My darling husband was kind enough to go pick up the containers for me but that's where his kindness ended. Once the samples had been collected, I had to take my woozy, pale and sweaty self to the lab to drop them off.
One problem. I forgot to look up the medical terms for the...uhhh...samples.
So here's how it went down:
I entered the clean office and the cool of the air conditioning washed over me like a welcomed rain. I felt a little better already. I approached the counter where two women sat and greeting them with a perfunctory, 'bom dia'.
That's when I realized I was stuck. I had a bag, two containers with bodily fluids and no idea how to explain what they were.
I stumbled along with, 'I need to..umm...make a test...' I stopped there hoping she would immediately know what I meant and free me of my bag and my humiliation.
I was wrong.
She blinked, smiled and said, 'what?'
It was in that moment that I realized the only words I had for what was in the bag.
I continued, sweating a little more now even with the air conditioning, my face I'm sure had gone from a pale shade of greyish pink to a sun drenched red in seconds.
'I, um, I have to make a test....I umm...I have...' I was putting off the inevitable. I thrust the bag forward over the edge of the counter and blurted, 'Pee pee, and poo poo' in portuguese, and then giggled a little, I mean what else could I do?
I apologized and explained that I was Canadian and I was learning Portuguese.
Thankfully she returned the giggle and asked if I would like to test a stool and urine sample (those words are now indelibly imbedded on my brain). I nodded.
She freed me of my samples and I made a hasty retreat to the Kombi.
Hopefully the results will reveal the uninvited inhabitant and I can free myself of it and my humiliation.