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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Do You Believe In Miracles?

Do You Believe In Miracles?

Three weeks ago we packed up our Kombi and with our family and four youth from our church drove the bumpy dusty Transamazon Highway to a conference on Healing in the Streets in Altamira.  I had no idea that one of the first miracle healings I would witness would be my own.
 The day before it happened, I admitted to someone that I was a bit of a 'doubting Thomas', that I would have to see or experience something like a limb growing in order to believe it.  The next night at the conference on 'Healing in the Streets', the speaker, who was from Ireland and therefore being translated, asked if anyone in the audience had one leg shorter than the other.  My hand seemingly involuntarily shot up.  Because everyone else didn't understand what he said until it was translated, I was the first one.  He called me up and I was immediately surrounded by 300 people and regretting having put my hand up.  He explained that Christ gave all His disciples the authority to heal the sick.  Just as the Apostles did, they spoke to the problem and to it told go in Jesus name, and that because we are disciples we have the same authority.  At that he gently held my feet in his open hands and told my back to be straight (I was diagnosed with mild scoliosis when I was twelve) and I felt something shift in my back and I think I stopped breathing.  He then told my leg to grow did.  There was a loud collective gasp from the crowd as they watched my leg extend to meet the length of the other. I was in shock, my leg just grew, I felt it move through the leg of my shorts as it did.  Turns out that even when I experience something I still have a hard time believing it.
This visual miracle was a great faith booster for our youth (and me!) and they were excited to hit the streets the next day praying for the sick.  We lined chairs up in a busy market street and offered to pray for passersby.  We saw many people healed of pain, bone growths shrink, eye infections disappear and hearts that were broken revealed and healed.  We are bringing this ministry to Maraba, with hopes to visit different parks every month, with worship, dance and theater performances followed by prayer.
In the Bible, when Jesus healed someone he often told them not to tell anyone about it-and of course they did the exact opposite and shouted it from the rooftops.  Many have discussed why He might have told them not to tell anyone.
I posted about my miraculous leg growth experience on Facebook and to my dismay found that it led to a huge debate about the reality of the love of God and miracles between my Christian and non-Christian friends.
In Kevin Dedmon's book 'The Ultimate Treasure Hunt' he says "most people do not come into the Kingdom through a well-developed argument.  They come through an encounter, whether it is a personal testimony of how someone else encountered God in some way, or a supernatural encounter in which God revealed Himself to them in a specific way.  The reality is a man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument." Although I believed that God could heal anything, clearly before my own encounter, I still had some unbelief.  Because of my own experience, my own encounter, that unbelief is gone.   When God demonstrates His love through physical healing, the veil between heaven and earth is opened and we are able to experience the 'not yet' in the here and now.
We want to introduce the people in our neighbourhood, in our city to a loving and living God, through personal encounter.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Alpha Hits the Streets

"Tia Jennifee, tia Jennifee!" shouts a small voice.  I look over the hot pan of beans I'm carrying from the Kombi to see little Emily running towards me, arms outstretched.  In the absence of her beloved 'tia Deanna' she seems to have taken a shine to me, and I am not complaining.
Emily (Eliete's daughter) and Ruan (Kita's son)

She's hands down adorable.

I put the pan of beans down on the blue satin cloth covering a table outside the house of another friend of ours, Kita and bend down to scoop Emily up in a big abraço (hug).  She chatters away to me about this and that and I nod but unfortunately since she's only three and I'm still learning Portuguese, she's hard to understand.  But we hang out anyway as we wait for the people we invited to attend our Alpha Na Rua (Alpha in the Street).

The tables are adorned with red and white checkered table clothes and set up right in the dusty street.  There are few cars in this neighbourhood so blocking off one area is not a problem.

The sun is starting to set at it's usual time, life near the equator means equal amounts of dark and light.  Unfortunately, in this neighbourhood there is more darkness than light, something we are hoping to change.

Seven o'clock comes, and as I do every week, I worry that no-one will turn up.  It's in that moment I have to remember that God will call those who he's working on, it's not a worry I need to have.  But, as it also happens every week the minute we lift the lids off the pans and start to serve the food, our guests arrive and soon our tables are over-flowing with people and children, and the bubble of conversation mixes with the chirping crickets, barking dogs and cicadas still buzzing in the night heat.

By doing this on the street, we hope to remove some of the barriers people have between them and 'the church'.  We've taken down the walls, invited them to our table to eat, talk and question life's biggest questions.  Alpha is a twelve week, non-denominational introduction to Christianity.  It allows people to ask questions, discuss and wrestle without judgment.

This weeks Alpha is an introduction to the Holy Spirit.  When the video ends instead of having our small group discussions, we gather everyone in a circle and pray for them.  As I'm praying for woman,  I notice a group that has gathered across the street, watching from a distance.  I ask my husband and one of our young adults to go and pray for them.  Our young adult is a bit reluctant, I'm nudging him to the edges of his comfort zone.  They offer, and only one accepts, it's the lady who lives in the house directly opposite to where we are and she has been watching every week, this week she's decided to take part.  I offer to pray for her and she accepts. After I pray her eyes are bright, and her smile is wide (the first time I've seen her smile) and she thanks me, says "I really needed that prayer".

As we finish for the night and pack up the chairs I notice, that sitting in the dark is a woman I've begun to know.  I ask our pastor's wife Monica to come with me to pray for her.  As we sit and chat with her two men who are sitting with us chat with us too.  We pray for the woman, and afterwards one of the men says something quietly, I can't hear him.  Monica asks if he would like us to pray for him.  He nods.

We rally the troops and surround him.  As the others are praying I see a picture in my head of this man in the dark, so dark he can't see the hand in front of his face.  Suddenly, there is a light so bright it illuminates everything around him, and there's path in front of him. I sense that there is some fear of this light.  I explain the image to him and tell him not to be afraid, that the light is good, the light is Jesus and he has a plan for his life.

We finish and he thanks us and heads home.  Monica asks 'Do you know what he said to me?'.
'No, I couldn't hear him' I respond.
'He said yesterday, he wanted to put a rope around his neck and kill himself', she says.

My eyes widen and I think of the image I had in my head, of him in the dark, and then in the light.  I say a silent prayer for him, I hope that something in his heart just changed, that the light is illuminating a path for him out of the darkness.

There's a story about a child throwing starfish who've been beached, back into the ocean and someone asks why the child is bothering, there are thousands and thousands of starfish he can't save them all.  The child picks up another starfish and puts it back into the ocean saying, 'No, but I just saved that one'.

There are thousands and thousands of starfish in our neighbourhood, we can only pick up the ones God puts in front of us and put them back in the ocean.

Here is a 3 minute video about Alpha in the streets and how you can help.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Taking Samples to the Lab-Another Adventure in Learning Portuguese

Something microscopic seems to have taken up residence in my GI tract.  Sorry, that's the cleanest way I can put that.  I   have been feeling unwell on and off and then it took a turn a few days ago.  I was advised to take some 'samples' in to a local lab to see if we can get to the bottom of it...pun intended.

My darling husband was kind enough to go pick up the containers for me but that's where his kindness ended.  Once the samples had been collected, I had to take my woozy, pale and sweaty self to the lab to drop them off.

One problem.  I forgot to look up the medical terms for the...uhhh...samples.

So here's how it went down:

I entered the clean office and the cool of the air conditioning washed over me like a welcomed rain.  I felt a little better already.  I approached the counter where two women sat and greeting them with a perfunctory, 'bom dia'.

That's when I realized I was stuck.  I had a bag, two containers with bodily fluids and no idea how to explain what they were.

I stumbled along with, 'I need to..umm...make a test...'  I stopped there hoping she would immediately know what I meant and free me of my bag and my humiliation.

I was wrong.

She blinked, smiled and said, 'what?'  

It was in that moment that I realized the only words I had for what was in the bag.

I continued, sweating a little more now even with the air conditioning, my face I'm sure had gone from a pale shade of greyish pink to a sun drenched red in seconds.

'I, um, I have to make a test....I umm...I have...' I was putting off the inevitable. I thrust the bag forward over the edge of the counter and blurted, 'Pee pee, and poo poo' in portuguese, and then giggled a little, I mean what else could I do?

I apologized and explained that I was Canadian and I was learning Portuguese.

Thankfully she returned the giggle and asked if I would like to test a stool and urine sample (those words are now indelibly imbedded on my brain).  I nodded.

She freed me of my samples and I made a hasty retreat to the Kombi.  

Hopefully the results will reveal the uninvited inhabitant and I can free myself of it and my humiliation.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

You Can Change The World By Doing This One Simple Thing

There are a lot of horrible things going on in the world right now, wars and disease, things that can make us feel like the world is falling apart and that we have no power to change it.  But I say we can change it, and it's simple.

Love people.

If we expanded the circle of people we love and would do anything for to include more than the people in our immediate family, if we truly loved our neighbours as ourselves, I think the world would be a different place.  Instead of focusing our energy, time and Facebook posts on things we can't change, I challenge us all to have the courage to change the things we do have the power to change, the things that are right in front of us.

My friend Rob Hall who died in Zambia while helping people there learn how to use a small piece of land to grow their own food used to say 'lean into the things in front of you, and there you'll find the Kingdom of God'.

The Kingdom of God IS love.

There's a reason why the second greatest commandment in the Bible is to love your neighbour as yourself…we have the potential to change the world, we just need to tap into it.

It's a well known fact that the power of love is the greatest force known to man and each and every one of us has it living inside of us.

So, I challenge you, in the days and weeks to come.  Open your eyes to the things around you, look for ways to love your neighbours, and by neighbours I mean anyone in front of you.  Maybe the elderly lady at the grocery store needs help with her bags.  The single Mom who lives next door, offer to babysit (for free) so she can have a much needed night off.  There is more than enough need and more than enough love we just have to be willing to see and do.

I think you'll be blown away how simple acts of kindness to others will not only shine a light in their lives but in yours too.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Aliens In The Grocery Store

Normally, I shop for our food alone.  Just little old me, silently and swiftly moving (now that I know what to buy) around the grocery store and as far as anyone is concerned I'm just one of those 'branquinhos' or light skinned Brazilians.  I am incognito as long as no one asks me to speak.

Unless of course, my kids come with me. For those of you who know my children, they are anything but quiet.

They blow my cover every time.

As we stand at a display of school workbooks Faith is chattering away at the speed of light and I look up to see not one but five staff members hovering around the table we are near, all of them staring.  They gawk actually, mouths agape but they are quick to smile when I make eye contact and smile at them.  But it doesn't stop their eyes being fixed on the rapidly moving mouths of my children.

We get to the cash register and I speak Portuguese to the woman at the cash, but again my kids are there, making a game with the packages.  A new woman comes over to pack our groceries and Faith says, or more likely shouts, something in English and the lady packaging our groceries freezes, empty bag in one hand, package of sugar in the other.  She's looking at my daughter like she just arrived off of a space ship.

I laugh and explain that we are Canadian and that they are learning Portuguese.  Everyone smiles, but the staring continues.

It's a good thing it doesn't bother us because it happens all the time, whenever we leave the house as a family, actually.

Yesterday, three girls in the river thought we were from India.  I had a good laugh at that one.

Learning a new language is one of the hardest things I've experienced in  my forty-two years.  When you've reached this ripe age, you've been through the trials of childhood, the self-discovery of your teens and twenties, acceptance of who you are in your thirties and arrived in a place where you feel like you know who you are and what you stand for.

Take away your ability to speak and suddenly you feel like that person you've come to know is trapped in a plexiglass box.  People can see you but they can't hear you.  Your thoughts, opinions and stories all fall silent. You long to connect with other human beings at a deeper level but when all you can say is 'how are you' and 'it's hot' you're always skimming along the surface.

For an extrovert, this is a special kind of torture.

For the past three months our family has been the only English speaking family on the base here in Marabá, which has pushed us, immersed us and challenged us, but more than that it has HELPED us.

A couple of weeks ago as the sun was setting, I sat with Monica, the church's pastor.  We watched our kids paint, first on paper and then their whole bodies grunting like apes and running around the soccer field.  We swapped stories, laughed, talked about our families and things we'd learned about life in the past.

After the sun had set and our kids were scrubbing their skin pink to get the paint off,  I felt like the 'real me' was out and able to tell stories, make jokes and share my heart with another person.

It was like coming up from a deep dive and taking a big breath.

I'm far, far, FAR from fluent in this new language but I am finally feeling more and more like getting there is not impossible.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Kombi's Maiden Voyage: From Maraba to Pacaja on the Transamazon Highway

When you think of the word highway the images that spring to mind are usually ones of long stretches of paved roads, cars flying by at breakneck speeds, several lanes with well labeled signs.  Well, throw all that out the window when you hear the term 'Transamazon Highway'.

287km of dusty, bumpy twisting road (with speed bumps of all things) stretches
between Marabá and the town of Pacaja where Xingu mission has a church plant just three years young.

Two weeks ago at the crack of dawn we piled five of our youth, backpacks and hammocks, cold water and even a puppy into our beloved Kombi and headed north west. It was an in-country mission trip to Pacaja.

There are two seasons here in northern Brazil, rainy and dusty.  We happen to be in the dusty season which is less dangerous than driving in the mud but the red powder that lays in the road inches deep flies up with every passing truck and billows in front of you like a red snow storm, making visibility impossible.  Several times Phil had to stop.

Could she be any cuter?
Six hours and one rest stop later we arrived and were well received in Pacaja.

We hit the streets to invite neighbours to the first youth service and a children's event the following day.

The pastors there fed us and took care of us while we ran the events, musical training and a few of our youth performed a skit and a dance.  It was a fantastic opportunity for our youth to be able to pay it forward to this budding young church.

Inviting neighbours

The Kombi is serving us and others well!

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Are You Burned Out On Religion?

Are you tired? Worn outBurned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28-30

I think a lot of people are burned out on religion.  I know I am.  The word itself makes me cringe.  Jesus didn't like religion either.

The word religion comes from the latin word religare  which means 'to bind'.

I don't know about you but the word bind doesn't sound like what Jesus is talking about in the passage above, nor does it sound like anything He said in the Bible. Ever.

'Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly…'

Hm.  Living freely and lightly?  That sounds pretty attractive doesn't it?

Last night we held the first youth Alpha.  One of our youth, Max, took Alpha last year and gave his testimony.  He said that he learned through Alpha that a relationship with Jesus, is different from religion, it's something without pressure.

Most people here are very familiar with religion-but the idea that it's possible to have a relationship with Jesus-that's new.

Alpha offers a safe and open forum for people to ask and wrestle with the questions they don't have answers for, without judgment.  We want to introduce them to the Jesus that walked the earth 2,000 years ago, the one who wants to walk alongside them in their lives today.  Alpha is an effective way to do this. It strips away the religion that can bind us and gets back to the basics of what Jesus was about.

And it wasn't about binding us up, quite the opposite.

'Get away with me and you'll recover your life'

That sounds a little more like someone who has been set free doesn't it?

There are many things that bind our neighbours, family problems, abuse, addictions, the list goes on and on.  

They carry very heavy burdens.

Thirty-two of our young people came last night.  The tables were set with purple satin cloth, the food was colourful fresh, enticing and nutritious.  The groups ate, laughed and chatted before watching the video.

Afterwards we gathered in small groups to introduce ourselves and chat about what they thought about the video.

I have been a part of the Alpha course many, many times now and I have never experienced a time where God did not move, change and transform lives.

I'm so excited to see how He will touch the hearts of our youth who need so badly to be rid of their burdens, unbound and set free.

"I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Choose To Believe Anyway

Grief is a funny thing.  If you've ever lost someone close to you you'll know this.  Some days you feel just fine, others grief tumbles over you like heavy waterfall, the force of the waters threatening to pull you under.

Today in Canada it's Father's Day.  Although I think of my Dad every day, days like this are harder than others.

My brother Kevin-died June 2012
Before what I affectionately call the 'tsunami' of deaths in my life, I wondered how my faith would hold up if really put to the test.  Would I hold onto the truths I have learned or would I shake an angry fist at God and run for the hills? Questioning all I had come to believe?

I think this past year was a pretty good test of that.

Nephew Craig died Oct 2012
Best friend Rob died Dec 2012
Dad, died Nov 2013

I have seen grief ruin people.  The crushing weight of the pain of loss is something they just can't seem to get out from under.  I have also seen people bury it so deep in their hearts that the pain comes out in different ways, against other people, or needs to be quieted with numbing effects of drugs and alcohol.  Some turn off all feelings towards others to protect themselves from being hurt again.

The truth is we will all face loss in our lives, it's how we face it that can change our lives.

I've seen Christians turn away from God when suffering comes, feeling betrayed and hurt 'Why would a God who loves me allow this to happen?' They ask.

I can't profess to have it figured out, not even close.  I only know what I've learned through the storm in my own life.

Your faith is, was and will continue to be a choice.

This means that when you don't understand why things are happening the way they do, you choose to believe anyway.
When the gripping pain of loss comes, as it inevitably will in this life, you choose to believe anyway.
When financial strain seems to crush you, you choose to believe anyway.
When nothing makes sense and you feel alone…..choose to believe anyway.

This has been my experience.  In my darkest of days, when grief threatened to drown me, I chose to believe anyway.

What happens after you choose is where the incredible gift lies.  When grief sits on my chest pushing the tears out of my eyes, there is someone there to give that pain to, to pour it out to….and incredibly, each and every time I do this, the pain lifts, I feel light and free and full of an inexplicable peace and hope.

I know the pain of grief without faith and it's a dark place, a long road, a deep hole.  I don't want to stay there.

There is a faithful God who loves you more than you can imagine.  In your pain, He is there, with you.  He will redeem what is lost, restore what is broken, and help you to stand again.

But first you must choose to believe anyway.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Independence Day-VW Kombi Purchased!

Moving to a new country has many challenges.  Especially, when you don't know the language.  Just shopping for groceries becomes a whole new experience, never mind having a meaningful conversation with anyone.

You feel as though you've regressed to being a small child, you need someone to help you do most things, speak for you and take you where you need to go.

This process is both humbling and frustrating. I have developed a whole new appreciation for those thousands of immigrants new to Canada, struggling with all the same things.

About an hour before we had to take the only other english speaking people here at the mission to the airport for their three month furlough, something happened that would change our lives here in Brazil.

As you may remember a number of months ago I wrote about the very generous donation we received after speaking at our church.  With it, along with others we were able to purchase a 2012, gently used VW Kombi here in Marabá from a friend of the church.

We've already used it for a number of things, including picking up some very excited kids on their way home from school, moving a stove for one of our neighbours from one house to another, carrying building materials and taking a tiny baby just a few days old for a hearing test.

This past Sunday we took two loads of youth to the streets to sell car flags and T-shirts as a fundraiser for the church.  It was loud and fun and we're going to do it again next week!

This vehicle changes our lives, helps the mission and will allow us to begin to spread out and explore, help our neighbours and eventually move in to the community or to another base.

We are incredibly grateful!

Survey Trip to Sao Luis

Sao Luis (Saint Louis) is on the North East coast of Brasil. It's a large city of about one million inhabitants.

I had the opportunity to travel along with our pastor Ivanildo and a member of our church Jackiline to this city last weekend.  We travelled by train for sixteen hours on the way there and thirteen on the way back through small towns where for some, the passing train is a source of income as they sell the passengers food and cold drinks through the windows of the hot dusty train.  Some of the local dogs find it quite lucrative as well.

One of the main focuses of the mission is to spread out to new areas, to plant new churches and see more lives transformed.  Sao Luis is on our horizon as a possible new place to do this.

One of the small villages we passed through

Jackiline is from Sao Luis and as we walked the sunny and hilly streets of Sao Luis it was clear that she is well connected.  It's important to start somewhere that you already have relationships.  

Ivanildo & Jackiline
World Cup Fever
Sao Luis seems to have three faces.  The face where Jackiline and her friends and family live looks a bit like Marabá.  The other side is has tall apartment buildings, restaurants and office buildings.  As they say here in Brazil it's 'chici chici' or what we would call 'ritzy' looking. The central part of the city is the historical part with old tiled buildings and a colonial feel to it.

We stayed with a young family and their three boys, Joao Lucas, Joao Philipe and Joao Pedro, who wanted to sneak into my suitcase and come back to Marabá with us.  I would have gladly taken him, he was adorable! 
Joao Philipe, Joao Pedro & Joao Lucas

We visited with one of Jackiline's friends in her apartment above a store.  Her husband and adorable little girl were resting from the days intense heat in a hammock or rede (pronounced hedgie) swinging above the bed.  Jackiline explained to her why we were visiting Sao Luis and it was clear by her reaction, although I couldn't understand her words, that she had some strong opinions about the church.  The part of the conversation I did understand was that in the past she has felt very judged, for her clothing or her life, when at church.  She was visibly agitated.

Ivanildo & I 
Ivanildo (who thankfully speaks clearly and slowly) explained that our church, the Vineyard, isn't about religion.  It's about relationship with Jesus, and that the Bible clearly says it's not our job to judge.  He also explained the second most important commandment in the Bible aside from loving our God with everything we have, is to love others and that God doesn't care about your clothes he cares about your heart.  We believe that it's important not to get your life in order and then give your heart to the Lord, but to give Him your heart and then let him transform you.

We've been fortunate enough to see this happen many time in our own lives and in the lives of others.

There are lots of churches in Brazil, people here are no stranger to religion.  What we want to introduce to people is the very personal, very real, relationship with a living God.  A God who loves us far beyond our clothes, has the power to heal wounds so deep they physically hurt, and who has a plan for our lives bigger and better than we could imagine.

The plan is to visit Sao Luis with a team monthly, developing a small group there and possibly using Alpha has the spring board.  These are early days and first steps towards something new.  It's exciting to be a part of it!
A View of The 'chici' part of Sao Luis and the Ocean

Futebol (a.k.a soccer)

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Back in the Brazilian Saddle

After thirteen months, the loss of my Dad, surgery to remove my gallbladder, a health scare for myself and my kids we are finally back in Brazil.  It feels really, really good to be here.

Our travel down was long, as it always is, and full of emotions-like a tossed salad.  One minute our kids were so excited they looked as though they might burst and the next there were tears of grief at the thought of leaving Canada.  They are two years older than they were when we came here in 2012, and they've been through a lot, we all have.

When we landed in Maraba, I looked at Faith and she had tears in her eyes.
"Are you ok? Are those sad tears or happy tears?" I asked.
"Happy tears Mommy, we're finally back in Brazil!"

Later that evening as we were starting to unpack there was a knock at the door, four girls stood with beaming smiles at our door to welcome us back.  One had tears in her eyes as she hugged us.  She was our first friend here, she bravely came to our house for dinner when we could speak barely a word of Portuguese.

'I missed you guys so much!' she said.

Another knock at the door and this time a gaggle of boys, all a little taller and a little more like men than they were a year ago.  We chatted briefly and I listened hard, trying to reactivate the Portuguese part of my brain.

It was a wonderful welcome, considering we had been gone almost twice as long as we were here it was good to know we hadn't been forgotten, because we certainly hadn't forgotten them.

While we were in Canada, two things weighed heavily on my mind.  One, my portuguese.  I had made some great progress learning the language and I prayed that the Lord would preserve it.  I am an extrovert, so not being able to connect with people is very difficult for me. My prayers have not only been answered but it seems that somehow I can understand better than I could before and I can say more, have more confidence.  What a blessing!

The other prayer was for my daughter, Faith.  Like her mother she is a social butterfly and without people to play with she wilts.    Since we've been back she has already made a great connection with a few of the girls, lots of them remember her and have been asking for her.  She has also been able to share her gift of art with the kids and started face painting.  One of the Mom's has already asked her if she would do some face painting at her daughters birthday party in October.  Faith is so excited!

Sometimes being away from somewhere can make it difficult to settle back in, but we are grateful that is not the case here. It feels almost as though we never left, just pressed the pause button.  We are grateful for so many things, our safe return, the kids joy at being back here and excited to see what God has next for us in this new chapter.

Stay tuned!

To see a collection of photos click here

Thursday, March 6, 2014

A Very Bad Day

Yesterday was categorically bad.  A very bad day.  The walls of my house of faith shook with my shouting and my body trembled with the thoughts of what might be.

Two things caused this volcanic eruption.

1) We were told by the Brazilian Consulate that it could be 'months' before we receive our visas.  World Cup 2014 seems to be causing a backlog.  This left me stunned.  Back to life in limbo.

2) I received results from genetic testing that indicate I am positive for the genetic mutation that causes something called Left Ventricular Non-compaction Cardiomyopathy.  It's the reason my niece had a stroke when she was 21 and it's the reason we lost her brother in October of 2012. The short explanation is that the muscle of the left ventricle doesn't compact in the womb causing there to be a 'spongey' texture and the wall of the heart, where blood clots can form and/or the heart becomes dilated because the muscle cannot function at full capacity.  So far I show no signs of this.

My walls shook not because of my own health, I can handle that-and so far I have no signs of actually manifesting the disease, I just carry the gene.  The part that rattles me to the core is that it is autosomal dominant, which means there's a 50% chance of my children having the gene as well. Their little hearts, formed in my womb, may have a problem.

That's where the shouting comes from.  That's when my body trembles.

'Not my kids God, please, not my kids', is my cry.

So, Monday I will take both of them to a hospital to have blood drawn which will then be sent off for genetic testing.  The results take 8-10 weeks to come in.  More waiting.

Did I mention I'm not a very patient person?

The night before this very bad day my kids and I were reading the bible before they went to bed.  My daughter read the first passage in Genesis and then Luke brought up the story of Job.  We talked about how he was a faithful servant of God, but that God allowed Satan to test him.  He was stripped of all his family,and then his own body was ravaged with boils.  Everyone turned away from him.

Job had many, many, very bad days.

In the end, God restores all that Job had lost and then some.  He ends up living 140 years, having seen his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Throughout the bible are stories of loss and redemption, death and resurrection.

I don't know what the rest of our story is going to look like.  I only know that we have to take this one day, one minute at a time.   I am holding my babies a little closer, a little longer, and praying that they will live long and healthy lives, that this 'mutation' ends with me and doesn't carry on any further in my family line, that none of my other family members will be affected.

As for the first problem, our visas, we will wait until Friday March 7, if we haven't had an approval come through by then, we will have to cancel our flights until we have the necessary documents in hand.

This may give us time for the kids to have some preliminary testing done.

Before we knew about my results Phil and I discussed the 'what ifs'.  We decided that regardless of the outcome of the tests we feel we are supposed to carry on with our calling in Brazil.  There are cardiologists (very good ones) there and if our kids carry the gene, the protocol is that they are to be monitored once yearly.

One day, one minute at a time, we breathe and we believe that God is in control.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11