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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Uprooting the Mighty Oak Tree

Nine Years ago when Phil and I landed back in Canada I had the itchiest of feet.  I wanted to get on another plane and live somewhere else.  Not that I didn't love my family and friends here, but I felt so disconnected, and I longed for a life of adventure.

When we got married and Phil still had not gotten a job anywhere, the realization that we might be here to stay started to trickle in.  We would have to find somewhere to live other than my sisters attic.  I remember the feeling that getting an apartment, signing a one year lease felt like such a commitment, a root being put down and I was fighting against it, HARD.

This morning I trudged through the 'surprise winter isn't over!' snow, kissed Luke good-bye for the day and then walked Faith into the school where her class was waiting in line, out of the cold.  Faiths' classmates all greeted her with happy hellos, and then I heard a small voice say, 'That's my best friend'.  My breath caught in my chest.  It was Bella.  She and Faith are like night and day, she is so quiet and Faith so boisterous but yet they have found a great new friendship.  As I walked across the blustery school yard on my way back home, I fought tears.  The reality of leaving everyone we know and love cuts deep, and I try my best not to go there if I can avoid it.  But hearing that little voice say 'That's my best friend' ripped open the hermetically sealed emotions like a knife through a water balloon and I found myself an hour later with all the water rushing out in heaving sobs on my bed.  This doesn't just affect us it affects our kids and other peoples kids.

I started to think about all the friendships we have formed in the last nine years, and the ones that have been there for many years but have grown richer as we have experienced marriage, the birth of our children and the death of loved ones together. And don't even get me started on the bonds within our family-especially those we have shared a house with for the past four years.

The root we put down when we rented that first apartment has grown into a mighty oak, uprooting it is really painful.

As I lay there on my bed, giving myself permission to feel all the rawness of the emotion of saying good-bye I prayed and asked God again 'Are we doing the right thing?'  And at that moment a memory came to me.  In November, my sister and I took my kids and her son to Disney.  I realized that time was short and I wanted to make some memories.  The night before we left, my son was crying, sad sad sobs because he was going to miss 'Zero the Hero Day' at school.  I felt bad that he was so sad to think about what he was missing, but at the same time I knew what we were about to do would be so fun.  Luke, however, having never been to Disney had no idea what he was heading into, all he could think of was what he would miss.  I felt like there was a message in that memory for me.  Although I will definitely miss all our friends and family here more than I can properly express in words,  I am trusting that God knows what is ahead, and that what He has planned for us is good.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


sherri said...

Great post Jenn... stay strong. You'll get through this!
And I hope someday you turn all of this into a book. You are a very good writer!

The Adventures of Hannah Foulger said...

The next adventure is always the hardest to start.
God love ya, Jenn

reintjes1991 said...

Thanks for putting this into words Jenn. We are struggling with the same issues. Why would God bring us to this amazing place called Duncan, only to uproot us a couple of years later? It is helpful to know that we aren't the only ones dealing with these feelings.
Many blessings,

Julie said...

I love that God reminded you of Luke's anguish the night before you left for Disney... so awesome. It is so good when He answers us when we cry out to him in vulnerability. So good.

Great post Jen, I agree with Sherri, you're an amazing writer. :)

Anonymous said...

We hear your heart! We are so happy with our magestic mango tree and it's deep roots planted firmly by the river. DB

Dan Thiessen said...

Dear Jenn, You are so gifted in how you express reading your blogs and yes, there is such a deep grief when you are people who have given to so many wherever you live (as you do....)and have close relationships with so many. May the Lord continue to lead you on and give you the strength daily to deal with the pain and the "letting go".....He is good.Love you guys....wish I could play card games with the kids again soon.....Sandy