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Monday, August 25, 2014

Taking Samples to the Lab-Another Adventure in Learning Portuguese

Something microscopic seems to have taken up residence in my GI tract.  Sorry, that's the cleanest way I can put that.  I   have been feeling unwell on and off and then it took a turn a few days ago.  I was advised to take some 'samples' in to a local lab to see if we can get to the bottom of it...pun intended.

My darling husband was kind enough to go pick up the containers for me but that's where his kindness ended.  Once the samples had been collected, I had to take my woozy, pale and sweaty self to the lab to drop them off.

One problem.  I forgot to look up the medical terms for the...uhhh...samples.

So here's how it went down:

I entered the clean office and the cool of the air conditioning washed over me like a welcomed rain.  I felt a little better already.  I approached the counter where two women sat and greeting them with a perfunctory, 'bom dia'.

That's when I realized I was stuck.  I had a bag, two containers with bodily fluids and no idea how to explain what they were.

I stumbled along with, 'I need to..umm...make a test...'  I stopped there hoping she would immediately know what I meant and free me of my bag and my humiliation.

I was wrong.

She blinked, smiled and said, 'what?'  

It was in that moment that I realized the only words I had for what was in the bag.

I continued, sweating a little more now even with the air conditioning, my face I'm sure had gone from a pale shade of greyish pink to a sun drenched red in seconds.

'I, um, I have to make a test....I umm...I have...' I was putting off the inevitable. I thrust the bag forward over the edge of the counter and blurted, 'Pee pee, and poo poo' in portuguese, and then giggled a little, I mean what else could I do?

I apologized and explained that I was Canadian and I was learning Portuguese.

Thankfully she returned the giggle and asked if I would like to test a stool and urine sample (those words are now indelibly imbedded on my brain).  I nodded.

She freed me of my samples and I made a hasty retreat to the Kombi.  

Hopefully the results will reveal the uninvited inhabitant and I can free myself of it and my humiliation.


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